The Shadow of Leadership: What We Model Becomes Our Culture

By the end of September 2026, we will have selected the next Leadership Teams for our three chapters in BNI South Luzon 2. As one of the region’s Executive Directors, one of my responsibilities is to help ensure we choose the right people to lead each chapter during the next six-month term.

As of this writing, we are almost finished with the selection process.

As our new leaders prepare to take on their responsibilities, I thought it would be helpful to write about leadership and culture. My hope is to give them—and every business owner and leader reading this—an important perspective: culture is not created merely by the values we display on a wall. Culture is shaped by what leaders consistently demonstrate.

If you are not part of BNI, I am confident that this article will still be useful and relevant to you. Whether you own a business, lead a team, manage an organization, or serve in another leadership role, you are helping shape a culture. The same principles apply wherever people look to you for direction, example, and encouragement.

This article was inspired by Mary Kennedy Thompson, Global CEO of BNI, and her conversation with BNI Founder Dr. Ivan Misner in Episode 969 of The Official BNI Podcast, “The Shadow We Cast as Leaders.”

Mary brings more than 30 years of experience in franchising and business leadership. Before becoming BNI’s CEO in 2024, she served as Chief Operating Officer of Neighborly, overseeing operations and strategy across multiple home-service brands. She was also President of Mr. Rooter, a multi-unit franchise owner, and a logistics officer in the United States Marine Corps. Interestingly, she first joined BNI as a member in 1994 while operating her own business.

Considering her experience as a military officer, entrepreneur, franchise owner, BNI member, and global business executive, I believe there is much that we can learn from her leadership.

In the podcast, Mary explains three important aspects of a winning culture: Behavior, Priorities, and Relationships. I want to elaborate on these principles and connect them to our responsibilities as BNI and business leaders.

Culture Is the Shadow Leaders Cast

Mary describes culture as the shadow we cast as leaders.

A shadow follows us wherever we go. In the same way, culture follows leadership. People watch what their leaders do, what they emphasize, how they treat others, and what they tolerate.

We may talk about excellence, accountability, positive attitude, and Givers Gain®, but our people will pay closer attention to our actions. Our true culture is not merely what we announce. It is what people repeatedly experience from us.

This means that every leader is already creating culture—intentionally or unintentionally.

The question is not, “Am I influencing the culture?” The better question is, “What kind of culture is my leadership creating?”

1. Behavior: People Follow What We Model

Our beliefs alone don’t make us better leaders. It is our day-to-day behavior.

We may say that punctuality matters, but do we arrive on time? We may talk about preparation, but do we come prepared? We may expect members to conduct One-to-Ones, invite visitors, and generate referrals, but are we personally practicing these activities?

Our position may give us authority, but our behavior gives us credibility.

This is especially important for a BNI Leadership Team. Members observe how we communicate, respond to challenges, and handle commitments. If we stay calm, respectful, and solution-focused, we encourage others to do the same. If we complain, blame others, or disregard agreed standards, we silently give others permission to do the same.

People may listen to what we teach, but they will eventually imitate what we repeatedly demonstrate.

As leaders, we must ask:

• Am I modeling the behavior I expect from the members?
• Do my actions support the values I speak about?
• Would the chapter become stronger if every member behaved as I do?

Leadership begins with self-leadership. Before asking others to change, we must first examine the example we are setting.

2. Priorities: What Leaders Focus On Becomes Important

Mary also explains that leaders often struggle because they try to manage too many priorities.

When everything is important, nothing is truly important.

A Leadership Team can easily become busy with meetings, reports, events, concerns, and administrative responsibilities. But being busy does not always mean that we are moving the chapter forward.

Leaders must identify the few priorities that will create the greatest impact. Write them down in order of importance. Then have the discipline to place the bottom half on hold while giving the top half the attention it deserves.

For a BNI chapter, these priorities may include:

• Increasing member engagement
• Improving the quality of One-to-Ones and referrals
• Inviting and welcoming qualified visitors
• Helping members understand and use the BNI system
• Improving member retention
• Developing future leaders

The priorities we consistently discuss, measure, recognize and support will eventually shape the chapter’s culture.

If leaders focus only on attendance, members may see the chapter as merely a weekly meeting. But if leaders also focus on relationships, learning, accountability, and business results, members begin to understand the larger value of the BNI experience.

Clarity creates alignment. When leaders know what matters most, members are more likely to direct their energy toward the right activities.

3. Relationships: Trust Is Built One Moment at a Time

Relationships are one of BNI’s Core Values—and for good reason.

Business networking is not simply exchanging business cards or referrals. It is the process of building trust. And trust is not created in a single moment. It develops through multiple moments of connection.

That is why our weekly meetings and One-to-Ones matter. Every conversation gives us an opportunity to understand another member’s business, character, goals, and challenges. Each kept promise strengthens trust. Each act of genuine support deepens the relationship.

Strong relationships cannot be rushed. They require consistency, presence, and sincere interest in other people.

For leaders, relationships are not an additional task. They are the foundation that allows the team to work together. Members are more willing to listen, participate, and accept accountability when they know that their leaders genuinely care about them and want them to succeed.

We build relationships one moment at a time. That is why we need many meaningful moments—not merely one meeting or one conversation.

What We Allow Is What We Get

Leaders shape culture through two things: what they model and what they allow.

If poor preparation, negative behavior, broken commitments or disrespect are repeatedly ignored, members begin to assume that these behaviors are acceptable. What a leader tolerates eventually becomes part of the culture.

This does not mean that leaders should become harsh or controlling. Accountability should always be exercised with respect and a genuine desire to help people improve.

Holding people accountable is not about punishing them. It is about protecting the standards, values and relationships that make success possible.

We must also remember that accountability begins with us. We cannot ask our members to honor commitments that we repeatedly neglect ourselves.

A Challenge to Our New Leaders

To our incoming BNI South Luzon 2 Leadership Teams: your appointment is more than a title. It is an opportunity to serve, influence and help other business owners succeed.

For the next six months, you will help set the tone for your chapter. Members will observe how you behave, what you prioritize, how you build relationships, and what standards you uphold.

Before beginning your term, reflect on these questions:

• What behavior will I consistently model?
• What are the few priorities that deserve our greatest attention?
• How will I intentionally build stronger relationships with our members?
• What behavior must we address because it is inconsistent with our values?
• What kind of chapter will exist after our six months of leadership?

Leadership is temporary, but its influence can continue long after the term is over.

You will cast a shadow through every conversation, decision, and action. My hope is that your leadership will create a culture of trust, accountability, growth, and Givers Gain®—a culture where members feel supported, become better business leaders, and help one another succeed.

As you embark on your new role, remember this:

Culture is not simply what we say we value. Culture is what we consistently model, prioritize, build, and protect.

May the shadow we cast as leaders help others grow and inspire future leaders to do the same.

References

• Mary Kennedy Thompson, “The Shadow We Cast as Leaders,” interview by Dr. Ivan Misner, The Official BNI Podcast, Episode 969, July 15, 2026.
• BNI Global Leadership Team: Mary Kennedy Thompson
• International Franchise Association: Mary Kennedy Thompson, CFE

This article was inspired by Mary Kennedy Thompson’s conversation with Dr. Ivan Misner. The explanations, examples, and practical applications are the author’s own reflections.